Primum Non Nocere

Chapter 3

Kurt had gotten wildly conflicting advice on what to wear for his date. Aestuo had suggested a shawl collar sweater. When asked why, considering the demon looked like he was ready for goth night at the local gay club 90% of the time, he had replied confusingly “sluttiest thing a man can wear”. Kurt had of course sent back “what the hell are you talking about,” and received “iykyk” in response. He did not in fact know and was not entirely sure he wanted to. Selat on the other hand had sent him an entire Pinterest board, though most of it seemed a little bit out of his price range. Instead, he’d gone with a plaid flannel shirt, a corduroy jacket, a nice pair of jeans, and a pair of old, but well taken care of, work boots. He wasn’t sure if that was the right call, but he was comfortable and he was pretty sure he looked alright. Beginning to doubt himself a little he tossed on some cologne, something musky and smoky. Something that hinted at the more animalistic parts of his nature. Kurt still wasn’t sure how much of that nature he was willing to fully embrace, but he did know it was something humans found attractive. Wouldn’t hurt to play into it a bit.

That was the interesting part, he knew it was mostly just humans now. He used to have a soft spot for were-wolves before he was turned, but now they raised his hackles, activating some strange territorial part of his brain. Where previously he might’ve been turned on by the idea of a creature more powerful than him trusting him to fuck him the way he needed to be fucked, among equals domination became an imperative. From what little he’d seen of his old fuck buddies during his months leave, the feeling was sometimes mutual. Other times though, he could see submission in a downcast eye as they spoke, a neck allowed to tilt farther than was natural in conversation and that drove him completely insane. There had been an element of dominance and submission to his lusts before, but it had been a script, something to make things a little easier on himself. Now he craved dominance almost as powerfully as he craved blood. He didn’t need to be the most powerful creature in any room, but his new instincts demanded that he was always the most desired, that others would throw themselves at his feet and beg for him to sink his fangs in their throat. A bit intense a fantasy for the more rational part of his mind, but lust isn’t a particularly rational emotion. It was however, one that he’d begun experiencing far more often and far more strongly than he was used to. When he’d haltingly brought this up to his therapist, they’d eventually come to the theory that it was linked to his need for blood. Lust and blood lust had become increasingly entwined for him, theoretically this might be a sloppy evolutionary adjustment to the way vampires reproduced. He was more likely to take and give blood, surviving and producing more vampires, if he derived pleasure from it. Because of that, he’d made sure to drink plenty before his date so he’d be in a somewhat stable frame of mind.

Not human blood though… The bags he received for this week sat untouched in his fridge. Although he’d been a little hesitant about doing it once his head had cleared, he’d been drinking demon blood almost exclusively for the past two weeks. At first he’d mostly had to explain what he was after to confused sex demons, before one of them informed him he’d been using the wrong word for body in his summoning circle. After he’d fixed his summons, the respondents started to take an interesting turn. Most of them were either demons of science or arcana, who had one way or another heard about his “experiment” as they called it. Instead of having to offer a memory or possession as he’d needed to with the others, they just wanted access to his research notes on the effects in exchange. Not a bad deal, it wasn’t like he could publish them anyway. It would’ve been a study with no control group and a single subject who was also the head researcher. Any reputable publisher would laugh him out of the room. No, his notes were best kept as a personal diary of sorts kept in an online drive for easy sharing to the demons that wanted it. At least he was getting more out of it to make up for it.

He’d become physically stronger, stronger even than when he’d first turned. When he realized he could bench more than the world power lifting record with relative ease he’d decided it was probably best for his mental state to stop measuring at night. It was roughly proportional to his day time strength anyway so he’d just created an equation to reflect it, recorded his daytime bench and pointedly did not do the math. He had enough to worry about without developing body dysmorphia. His catalog of arcane abilities had also exploded. First it was levitation, then he was walking on walls and ceilings. He could become invisible at will, and even teleport short distances. He had been followed around by rats and pigeons for three days before yelling at them to get away in a fit of paranoia and had been shocked when they actually listened. It didn’t just extend to rats and pigeons either, any animal would willingly obey his command if he asked nicely enough. There had also been a night where Kurt had wanted to go running, but had believed he would be stuck inside due to rain. To his pleasant surprise it had cleared up enough by evening for him to get a good workout in, only for him to be absolutely staggered when he turned on the evening news to see the newscasters discussing the bizarre, almost exactly circular, hole in the storm that had formed in a five mile radius centered directly above his apartment. He’d have to be a little more careful with that one.

Surprisingly he had found evidence of other vampires doing the same and experiencing similar effects in the historical record. Most being part of the extinct war mage classes of the medieval and ancient world. Sometimes particularly valuable or loyal soldiers would be turned to offer eternal service to particularly established noble families. These soldiers however, were expected to drink the blood of demons aiding enemy warlocks in combat, rather than making contracts with them themselves. There was a massive drop off in their creation after the 1800’s due to the mechanization of warfare, there’s only so much anything can do against a machine gun loaded with silver bullets. Vampires still saw combat of course, but few enough actually survived it that it was no longer considered an efficient use of resources to continue maintaining designated units of them. Of course most modern vampires didn’t particularly feel like drinking demon blood on a regular basis because of the high cost per deal versus the reward. There aren’t many times when it is situationally appropriate to sick an army of rats on your enemies in times of peace.

Kurt on the other hand was working off of an entirely different value proposition. Even a month later, his nightmares were still full of cold hands around his neck. Kurt would have given anything to save himself in the moments when Doctor Hall fed from him. He had already shed his humanity for the sake of saving himself, what did it matter if he was beginning to shed his vampirism as well? He did slightly regret bartering the knowledge of what he’d worn on every date he’d ever been on at the moment, but it was something he could relearn. The sense of security he had gained in return was utterly priceless. The rush he felt every time he realized he’d gotten stronger or discovered a new ability wasn’t bad either.

It was warm enough now for him to leave his apartment without a coat. Not that Kurt felt the cold really, it was just easier to blend in if he pretended he did. He wasn’t one to demand attention even if it scared people. Kurt was well aware of the difference between good and bad attention. He did still receive a few appraising looks as he walked to the bar. That he was already used to. Kurt was fairly handsome and he knew it, with his tall, farm-boyish build and an air of (completely and utterly manufactured) innocence. He had a slight accent, left over from the much thicker Appalachian accent he’d begun to shed over the course of his years away from North Carolina, that came out more when he was particularly incensed or when he spent time back home. He was the kind of man you would want to take home to your parents, polite and soft spoken, and conscientious in gesture. That is, if you could still look them in the face after spending a night with him.

The animal part of his mind absolutely preened at the attention. Of course people watched as he went by. He was a predator at the peak of health and power, of course they wanted him. Though he pushed it aside like most of the other odd instinct driven thoughts, it did give him a little boost of confidence and he walked with a little more of a spring in his step to the bar.

Doctor Maldonado was already there when Kurt arrived. They were about the same age, but where Kurt had retained a certain boyishness to his appearance, Doctor Maldonado was graying prematurely, with a few lighter hairs at his temples and scattered throughout his beard. He also kept himself relatively fit, telling Kurt he cycled and did crossfit when asked. Kurt had only ever seen him in scrubs, so it was almost strange to see him in a tight fitted button up and slacks. Damn it, he knew he’d under dressed. Doctor Maldonado waved him over regardless, giving him a quick once over.

“You look good.”

“So do you.” Kurt said, trying not to stare at the way the fabric of his shirt stretched trying to contain his broad chest.

“You also look a lot better than the last time I saw you.”

“Well, I was dying. It’s not too hard to look better than that.” Kurt smiled a little. It had only been a month since he’d died, but it already felt like just a bad dream. It felt more like the time he’d broken his arm falling out of a tree, something he could joke about rather than a major life (afterlife?) changing event.

“Honestly, you look healthier than when I first met you.” That was years ago when they were both residents. When he was freshly graduated from medical school.

“I’ll be honest, I feel pretty damn incredible.”

“I know you said you’d chosen this, but I was still a little worried you’d regret it.”

“It’s easier when I medicalize it. I have a condition that requires regular administration of blood to manage its worst symptoms and prevent the death of the patient. I wouldn’t fault a patient, there’s no need to fault myself.”

“How’ve you been getting it?”

“They deliver some bags to my apartment every few days or so. That’s part of the reason I went through all that paperwork.”

“The other reason?”

“I wasn’t kidding when I said I don’t want anything like what happened with Doctor Hall to happen again. To me or anyone else. I- I like to think of myself as a good person, but who knows what I’ll be like in 50 years. At least if there’s a paper trail it will be easier for someone to stop me.”

“Kurt.” That was probably the first time he’d called him by his given name. Isaac touched his arm and then stiffened slightly. It wouldn’t have been noticeable to a human but Kurt noticed. He couldn't blame him, it was unsettling to put your hands on a walking corpse after all. “You said you’d only been drinking from bags right?”

“Yeah.” Kurt definitely wasn’t going to tell him what he was actually doing. He’d sound like a complete maniac. Isaac’s eyes narrowed slightly, just for a second.

“Well that’s a good start isn’t it? You’re not attacking people on the street yet.” He smiled and Kurt was almost able to forget what he’d noticed. “You want to get out of here?” Something about that set off alarm bells in his head.

“We haven’t even gotten drinks yet.”

“I know.” Isaac put a hand on his thigh and the animal part of his brain screamed for him to ignore his misgivings. “I’d prefer to be sober.” His eyes drifted downward and Kurt could no longer muster the effort to resist.

“If that’s what you want.” Kurt desperately tried to keep his fangs from lengthening.

They both ducked into an alleyway almost a block from the bar. Kurt wouldn’t have thought Isaac was the type. Then again, he wouldn’t have thought himself the type a month ago. The other doctor threaded his hands through Kurt’s hair as he pushed him against the wall. The vampire let him, the animal part of him saw the offering of pleasure unprompted as just as much of an act of worship as submission. Isaac began to kiss his neck and Kurt melted into him. Part of him wanted Isaac to bite him, to feel the same glorious wealth of sensation and power as he did, but he also knew that wasn’t a choice he could ask him to make.

“I really am sorry it had to come to this.” Isaac whispered against his skin. Kurt was about to ask what for when the stake pierced his heart. “We think alike, Kurt, I’d planned on killing Doctor Hall the same night you did.” The vampire sputtered around the stake, he couldn’t shape shift out of it. He was pinned immovably against the wall. Blood, still warm from the body of his prey, leaked slowly from the wound.

“Why?”

“You lied. You’re warm, Kurt, that wouldn’t happen if you were just drinking from bags. I know you drank from someone.” He dig the stake in further. “I know you, you wouldn’t have lied about it if it was consensual.”

“Can you just let me explain?” He coughed

“You wanted someone to stop you didn’t you? Let me help you.” Kurt didn’t want to die. Not again. He desperately grasped at his magic until he found something that still worked. A new thread, still forming, glimmered on the edge of his vision. He pulled and a pair of massive leathery wings erupted from his back. Isaac stumbled back in shock letting go of the stake. Kurt immediately yanked it out of his chest, coughing to clear the blood that had leaked into his lungs. He tossed it aside as his wound slowly closed. Isaac went for it but Kurt got there first, teleporting in front of him. The other doctor tried to escape but the vampire grabbed his wrists and held him against the wall. Though Kurt held him firmly he made sure to hold back as much as possible. Despite what he’d done, despite the part of him that roared for him to assert his dominance and drink from him, Kurt didn’t want to hurt him. He gritted his teeth, forcing his fangs to shorten.

“I did lie to you, but it wasn’t because I hurt anyone. It was because I was worried you’d think I was insane if you knew the truth.” Isaac struggled against his grip, his eyes wide with fear and confusion. “You’re a vampire hunter right? I bet you can put two and two together.”

“You didn’t.”

“Go on, tell me what you think I did.”

“You drank demon blood?”

“Everyday for the past two weeks.” Isaac struggled even harder against him and Kurt held him a little tighter. “I don’t want to hurt you.” He sighed. “I’m going to let you go, just please don’t go for the stake again. That hurt like hell.” He released his arms. Isaac looked at the stake and back at him again.

“What happens if I do?”

“I take it away from you again and we end up right back here again.”

“What makes you think you can?” Again Kurt forced himself to stay calm.

“You caught me off guard the first time. I don’t think you’d be able to win in a straight fight.”

“I’ve been lucky before.” He went for the stake again and Kurt knocked it aside, this time pinning Isaac to the ground.

“You’re lucky I don’t actually want to kill you. What will it take, huh? You know me well enough, what will convince you I’m not a danger to you?”

“I noticed you didn’t ask to convince me you aren’t dangerous.”

“I am dangerous. I’m not going to try and convince you of something I don’t believe.” He smiled sadly. “But I’m not a danger to you or anyone else.”

“Why the demon blood then? What exactly are you planning?”

There were a lot of reasons Kurt could have given him, but he decided to go with the answer that felt the most honest.

“There is no plan or greater reason. I’m making myself stronger purely because I like it. Becoming something as powerful as I am now, it feels like sex. I want more and there’s plenty of demons willing to give it to me.”

“For a price.”

“The past few have only asked me for my notes. I’m apparently one of the only ones to go this far in a while.”

“You really expect me to believe you’re just doing this because you think it’s hot?” Kurt slid his leg between Isaac’s.

“You seem to agree.” He ground his thigh against the other doctor’s erection. “Funny thing for a vampire hunter to be into. You really want me to bite you that badly?” Kurt brought his head down to Isaac’s neck. He heard the doctor swallow as his hot breath tickled his neck. Kurt kissed the soft skin over his jugular and drew back. “I told you I’m not going to hurt you.” He let Isaac go again. “It’s my first day back tomorrow,” Kurt announced as if nothing had happened. “I’ll see you.” As Kurt turned into a bat and flew away he didn’t turn around to watch Isaac get up. If he went for the stake again he didn’t want to see it. He wanted to trust that he still had one human friend left in the world.

Kurt didn’t feel like doing anything when he got back home. He just ended up lying in bed wide awake feeling sorry for himself. Though he wasn’t entirely sure why he was so upset. This was what he wanted wasn’t it? That someone would have the guts to take him out if he ever went completely off the rails. Yet it still hurt. It hurt a lot. One sentiment dominated his thoughts, Isaac probably only went out with him because he wanted to see if he was dangerous. It was irrational, the man had tried to kill him after all, but the idea that Isaac… Doctor Maldonado wasn’t interested in him beyond making sure he wasn’t a killer, cut him deeper than he would have ever expected. Kurt didn’t realize how much he’d laid his hopes on him. If the one man that hadn’t been afraid of him couldn’t care for him beyond his status as a possible threat, what chance did he have with anyone else? Well, anyone human. No fuck that, he wouldn’t let himself fall to misanthropy. It was one (spectacularly) bad date, it sucked and it hurt, but it wasn’t a good predictor of his future. In this moment though, he allowed himself to wallow in his misery.

The next morning the ghost of Tony Switchblade greeted him at the hospital doors.

“Hey boss! Good to see you feeling back to normal!”

“Boss?” Kurt murmured, trying not to draw attention to himself.

“I owe you a debt for avenging me, least I can do is help you out a little if I can.” The dead mobster puffed out his bullet riddled chest. At least somebody still liked him.

Kurt noticed stares from everyone as he changed into his scrubs. It wasn’t just magicians this time but what felt like every member of the medical staff. Although he heard a couple indignant, and no doubt unheard, growls of “Hey! What’re you looking at?” from Tony, Kurt didn’t say anything about it. He just got dressed as normal and put on a mask without turning around. That was to be expected. Maybe things would calm down in a few weeks and people would start talking to him again but it was going to just be quiet stares until then. He had been mentally prepared for that. What he hadn’t been prepared for was someone to actually say something.

“Have all of you turned into children?” Doctor Maldonado stood in front of him, blocking him from view from the rest of the locker room. “If you have something to say to Doctor Łaska, say it! Don’t just stand there gawking at him like a bunch of creeps!” Kurt looked at him with his mouth hanging open. Doctor… no, Isaac, looked over his shoulder at him. “We got off to a bad start yesterday,” He whispered. “When do you take your break?”

Kurt knew from experience the storage closet in the trauma ward was not frequented particularly often late at night. Though now he could see why. The ward was as Aestuo had said “severely fucking haunted”. Kurt could see ghosts now, perhaps because he was dead himself. It wasn’t just Tony either, though the ghost did wave hello to a few of them as he went about his rounds. A woman in the habits of a nun sat next to the bed of one of their new intakes holding his hand as a nurse carefully inserted a breathing tube. Two old women watched as he performed surgery, speculating loudly about the love lives of everyone in the room as if it were a soap opera. Both turned beet red when he nodded to them on his way out of the operating room. More still wandered the halls watching the living patients come and go or spectating the doctors as they went about their rounds. Some seemed to have made a game of it, speculating on course of treatment or diagnosis for a given patients until the attending either wrote it down or announced it to the patient causing the ones who had guessed correctly to begin loudly cheering and the ones who hadn’t would angrily argue with the un-hearing doctor like his father would argue with the referees when watching football. A few of them ask him if he was getting enough sleep when he walked around instead of through them in the hallway, only to nod understandingly when he allowed a fang to slip out. After a while he started to feel like a therapy dog, with ghosts attempting to start conversations with him while Tony yelled “He’s working!” over his shoulder.

When he reached the storage closet Isaac was already there, along with the two older women. One of them clicked her tongue in annoyance.

“Out.”

“Didn’t you ask me to meet you here?” Isaac asked.

“Sorry not you.” The two elderly women phased through the wall. “You too Tony.”

“But-“ the ghost began to protest.

“Out.”

“Damn it.” The ghost shut the door behind him making Isaac jump.

“What was-“

“Ghosts. The ward is haunted.”

“Is that why it’s always so damn cold up here?”

“You get used to it. I don’t even feel it anymore,” Kurt joked.

“So,” “So,” they both spoke at the same time.

“So, what did you want to talk about?” Kurt said after a moment of silence.

“I wanted to ask how you’d been. Really this time, no ulterior motives.” He spread his arms, opening his hands to show that he was unarmed.

“Well I’ve started making ceramics.” Isaac looked at him incredulously. “I like working with my hands.” He shrugged. “It’s tricky to work with glazes and sometimes your projects literally blow up, but it’s relaxing for me.”

“I don’t doubt it, I just didn’t expect it. I don’t think I’d have had the energy to do anything but catch up on tv.”

“I did some of that, yeah, but I’d go crazy just watching tv all day.” He considered for a moment whether or not to share. Well, it wasn’t crazier than anything else. “I got diagnosed with autism.”

“Really?”

“I’m good at hiding it.”

“No, I mean that’s a lot of things to pile onto you at once.”

“I already figured I was, it was good to have confirmation more than anything else.”

“So you really don’t mind then, do you.” He didn’t need to specify, Kurt already knew what he was talking about.

“Like I said, it’s not even as weak as I don’t mind it. I like being a vampire.”

“I’m not saying you can’t like it, just that most people tend to be more torn up about losing their humanity.”

“This is going to sound fucked up.”

“Well you are in a fucked up situation...”

“I don’t think I ever felt all that attached to being human. Maybe because it was so hard for me when I was younger to get myself to act the way everyone thought was normal.” He laughed a little. “For a while when I was a kid I thought I was a robot. That some scientists had put me with a human family to see if they could make one close enough to a human that it actually thought it was one.”

“The world’s first robotic vampire, now that’s a scary thought.”

“But, yeah, being human was never effortless or even easy for me. Becoming something else in exchange for all of the benefits I got in return was easy.”

“Even if you have to feed from people?”

“Only if they ask me nicely.” Kurt grabbed the shelf above Isaac’s shoulder and the other Doctor’s breath hitched. “Oh, you really do think that’s hot. Here I thought that was a fight boner last night,” he teased.

“What makes you think I’m finding this hot?” Isaac challenged.

“I can smell it. It’s an asset for vampires to know when their prey is in the mood, that way I can be sure you’ll actually enjoy it.” He let his fangs poke out from underneath his upper lips and Isaac shuddered. “Maybe some other time, vampire hunter?” Kurt dragged his fangs over the other doctor’s skin as he kissed his jaw.

“I’m sorry about that, by the way.”

“About trying to kill me? You thought I’d killed someone. That’s what I’d want you to do.”

“But I should have asked more questions. I wasn’t thinking of you as the person I knew.”

“You probably shouldn’t. Not completely anyway. I’m not human. Trying to analyze what I do through the lense of human behavior will only get you in trouble in the long run, Isaac.” The name felt good on his lips.

“I guess you never used to be this much of a tease.”

“You just never asked me out before.” Kurt smiled. “I made it a rule not to flirt with anyone unless they made the first move, just in case I was misreading things. Of course that’s not as hard for me now. This is just the old me with a little more confidence.”

“So then what should I look out for with the new you?” Isaac began running a hand through his hair.

“I like it when my prey fights back.” Isaac tightened his grip in Kurt’s hair, pulling him down for a kiss.

“So do I.”